New York, New York

Horoscope 5/30/06: You'll swing back and forth between what it takes to fulfill your need for beloning and what is required for you to feel free. IT helps to apply yourself to the art of being non-commital.

I'm in the middle of writing a play. It's about New York, specifically three different stories about my experiences in New York, which morphed out of a story about sponteneity that I started a year ago (at that point, I had just taken a trip to California with my friend Jess).

For those who don't know me, I try to live my life like it's an adventure. Maybe I'm bored with my life, maybe I hate living in Rochester, maybe I hate being stagnant. I just want to be a writer damn it, I want to live in New York, I want to just live my life! But that's hard when you have racked up some debt and blew money on an ipod.

I've been having second thoughts though. I'm set to go to a trip to New York, June 20th, but really, I don't want to go. There's a person, that I know I'll see, but I really don't want to. It's not worth my time, and it's just disappointing. And I have a feeling in my stomach that it's going to be bad. I can't shake this feeling. This person is the focus of the third part of my play, and the devastation is still there. This person is a waste of my time.

Problem is I don't know myself the way I do when I am in that person's world. It sucks. So what do I do? Do I go, do I bite the bullet, see the person, feel the devastation yet again, but still feel whole in the process? I don't know.

I still have to buy my ticket, I can still back out, go to LA or something, people want to see me there.

Last line of of my play: It's been real New York, maybe some other time.